VICTORY IS OURS!

My dear fellow Progressives,

CONGRATULATIONS TO US! We have won a HISTORIC VICTORY over the Evil Rethuglicans!

Without your support, PRN never could have moved this bill from dream to law. And rest assured, PRN was instrumental in its passage and enrollment. Here's how we've engineered this fantastic and monumental achievement:

1) We made you hate the Evil Rethuglicans as much as we do. We did this because hating the Evil Rethuglicans is essential to working within the system we have. We don't have an ideal system where the Congress is 535 Progressives, 0 Evil Rethuglicans. As long as there is at least one Evil Rethuglican in the Congress, it's all-out warfare! And remember what Donald Rumsfeld said -- you don't go to war with the army you wish you had. Think about that one, fellow Progressive. We have to work with the hand we're dealt in this Political Poker Pugilism! So, what better source for gamesmanship than one of the leaders of the Evil Rethuglicans? Our strategy comes right from Sauron's Eye!

2) Working within the system we have, we have given all discretionary power to the very corporations who have made health care unaffordable in many cases, and totally foreclosed (hint: pre-X) in others. By giving them the power to dismiss Americans from health care, we make it clear who is the real enemy: THE EVIL RETHUGLICANS.

3) Working within the system we have, we ensure that the corporations responsible for the dire state of health care are guaranteed an annuity of double their present profits, for at least another decade. Giving them so much profit will ensure that they become more humane toward everyone who now can't afford health care, or who now is denied health care (hint: pre-X).

4) We have invoked Teddy Kennedy's dying wish -- that he could pass historic reforms in the field of health care before departing this mortal coil. Teddy, we did this FOR YOU, you Lion!

5) Finally, we know that we've done the right thing here. Why? Dennis Kucinich is on board! Noam Chomsky is on board! Silencing the radicals is what we do best at PRN.

Thank us for getting Kucinich and Chomsky on board by donating what you can today. Please mail your TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to:

Progressive Reports Now
ATTN: Amber Milgram, Editor in Chief
PO Box 65713471
Washington, DC 20202-6969

Remember -- we accept check, money order, and most major credit cards. To pay by credit card, call our receptionist Tony Spumoni at (202) 936-1212. Tony will help you with a smile on his face and a precious kitty at his feet.

Solidarnosc!

Yours very truly,

Amber Milgram
Editor in Chief

Help save Health Care!

Dear Fellow Progressives,

Our Movement is in danger. Evil Rethuglicans are trying to derail the most historic piece of civil rights legislation since the Civil Rights Act of 1965.

I'm talking about Health Care Reform, of course.

The Evil Rethuglicans are saying that the Noble Democrat Congress are trying to implement socialism. To this fallacious assertion, I reply:

NONSENSE!

The Noble Democrats are selfless, merit-promoting capitalists, first and foremost! The Noble Democrats would never try to socialize medical care. It would deflate a significant portion of the American Economy, causing even more people to lack health care.

Medical Doctors would stop practicing medicine if they weren't guaranteed 6-figure incomes. Then where would we be?

Progressive Reports Now needs your help in fighting the Evil Rethuglicans.

If you know someone who is criticizing the Noble Democrats, report that person to Homeland Security because (s)he is a traitor!

If you have money to donate, send it to us, and help us fight the Evil Rethuglicans! Please mail your TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to:

Progressive Reports Now
ATTN: Amber Milgram, Editor in Chief
PO Box 65713471
Washington, DC 20202-6969

We accept check, money order, and most major credit cards. To pay by credit card, call our receptionist Tony Spumoni at (202) 936-1212. Tony will help you with a smile on his face and a precious kitty at his feet.

Solidarnosc!

Yours very truly,

Amber Milgram
Editor in Chief

Amber and Randall discuss health care reform

PRN Editor in Chief Amber Milgram discusses health care reform with PRN General Counsel Randall Lysander.

Original here.

Holly Ballou is PRN's Employee of the Year for 2009

I'm pleased to announce that our 2009 Employee of the Year is Holly Ballou, our Junior Researcher. I'd like to share some of Holly's wisdom. After reading the quote below I'm sure you'll be eager to join us in congratulating Holly for her thorough research and timely insights, which were exemplary during 2009. Without Holly we wouldn't be in our current position as the leading voice of American progressives.

Amber Milgram, PRN Editor in Chief

I think progressives have earned the right to run the show for a while. We've put up with a lot from Bush and the Evil Rethuglicans. When I'm out in public and I sense that someone near me is an Evil Rethuglican, I try to make things inconvenient for them. I'll drive really slow if they're behind me, or tailgate them if they're in front of me. I'll pull out my cell phone and have a loud conversation with one of my girlfriends about sex or my monthly flow. It's really fun to irritate those Evil Rethuglicans.

Holly Ballou, PRN Junior Researcher